


born of a dream

by elizaleigh



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Canon Compliant, Cold War, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 03:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizaleigh/pseuds/elizaleigh
Summary: On December 26, 1991, the Soviet Union dissolves and the Cold War ends. The next day, Dr. Martin Brenner is arrested.Over the years, El begins to understand why her Papa was not her father.





	born of a dream

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of sex and past child abuse, but nothing explicit. Please be careful and take care of yourself if reading this will be harmful to you!

On December 26, 1991, the Soviet Union dissolves and the Cold War ends. The next day, Dr. Martin Brenner is arrested.

Dustin's code red comes across after the first shot of the Berlin Wall airs on local news. The Party is far flung by now - Dustin doing research at MIT, Lucas at Northwestern, Max near her father at UC Berkeley, Will studying art at RISD, and Mike in-state at Indiana University, not an hour away from El, still in Hawkins - but they're home for the holidays, all talk of finals and fraternities and everything in between. By nine o'clock that morning, their SuperComms are already in use, carpools are already arranged, and Mike, Lucas, Dustin and Max already on their way to the new Byers-Hopper home in Hawkins.

El's grateful for their support. But as she sits in front of the TV, hand in hand with her father, she notices a murky quality to his eyes that are mirrored in her own. Before the Party can arrive, El and Hopper sneak away. Hop leaves a note for Joyce - hard to believe they've been married, what, four years now? Hop hadn't wanted to waste any time after he was rescued from Russia - and they make the trek to their old cabin. There's something poetic about the two of them, in front of the TV, all these years later. Two people imprisoned by this Cold War.

They sit there for hours, leaning on each other. Hop begins to cry, and soon after, El does too. 

"It was so goddamn quiet in that cell, Ellie," Hopper exclaims at one point. "I thought I was losing my mind every time I heard my own goddamn breath. And they did that to you for twelve years... All for what? For Bush to sign a fucking treaty?!"

He begins to shake, and El leans in closer. "Over?" she asks. 

Hopper doesn't comment on the one-word sentence; he knows her tendency to revert in stressful situations, and if this isn't stressful he doesn't know what is. "I sure hope so, kid," he says, partially for himself.

They don't speak for the rest of the news report. At one point, Mike calls El over the SuperComm; she says they'll be back soon and turns it off. The first time El gets up is sometime after noon, when she walks into the kitchen to check for any forgotten food from her and Mike's last sleepover here. There's none.

"Hungry?" she asks.

Hopper turns off the TV. "As long as Joyce isn't cooking."

They walk back to their house, where Joyce is (thankfully) not cooking. Steve Harrington is, instead, with Robin commentating on his own sub-par chef skills in the kitchen. The news is still playing in the living room, but the Party has moved towards the kitchen table, setting up some sort of game and bickering. It's abandoned as soon as the door creaks open; Mike rushes to El like a cartoon, embracing her and murmuring, "It's over, it's over." Max, for once, doesn't try to shove him off, but wraps her arms around El's back, mushing her in a sandwich. The rest of the group joins in, too - Steve, then Robin, even Erica, who at sixteen still manages to wriggle her way into the middle of the hug.

("This is an important moment!" Lucas groans. "Yeah, and I'm an important part of this moment," Erica replies.)

Hopper ruffles what he thinks is El's hair (they're all melted into one, now, anyway) and walks to Joyce in the living room, still seated on the couch with Jonathan, whose hand tightly grasps Nancy's.

"Hop," Joyce murmurs, wrapping her arms around his stomach, still thin from the malnourishment he endured during his time in Kamchatka. He shudders, then hugs her back, dropping a kiss on her head. He pretends not to notice Jonathan and Nancy watching them, waiting for them to break.

No one leaves that night. They all sleep on the floor of the Byers-Hopper living room, a pile of mattresses and blankets and snuggling twenty-year-olds. El lies down between Mike and Hop (and Max, who is using El's legs as a pillow), and once she's confident Hopper is snoring, she turns to Mike.

"Reminds me of the gate," she says.

He leans into her voice, foreheads touching. She doesn't need to explain.

"But things are better now, yeah?" Mike asks. His eyes flit to hers and then back down as he tightens his grip on her hand.

"Better," El agrees. "Much better." She closes her eyes and tilts her chin up until she can feel his lips on hers, chapped and raw but real, reminding her of all that is good in the world. Mike moves with her, sneaking a hand under her side, tucking her closer to him - 

"Stop sucking face in front of your fucking father-in-law, Wheeler!" Max hisses. Mike turns a bright shade of tomato red and sputters ("We're not - I mean we will - not till after college - ") while El chuckles.

Much better.

***

The call informing them that Dr. Martin Brenner has been arrested is what wakes them up.

Will is the closest to the phone, but he quickly hands it to Hopper, who after a year in captivity has learned to stir at the smallest of noises. Hopper hoists himself up from the mattress on the ground and takes the phone, still groggy. "Go for Jim."

"They took Brenner in."

Hopper almost doesn't register that it's Sam Owens on the phone so much as he recognizes the sense of urgency.

"What?"

"You didn't call the feds on him?"

"Of course not! Risk them finding out about El?!"

"Now that the Soviet Union's dissolved, I thought you might've thought it was safe." Owens sighs. "It was a government-run program, Jim - " he continues, as if he can't quite believe it wasn't Hopper who placed the call.

They'd known Brenner was alive. El had first learned from Kali, and Hopper had heard from El. Since he returned to the United States, he'd spent his free time trying to find the man, making weekly visits to Murray Bauman as they tracked his movements. There wasn't anything he could do without exposing El's true background, her true powers, to the public, but at the very least it made Hopper feel better. If Brenner ever tried to come for El, they'd be prepared.

Except someone had come for Brenner, first.

There's a bit of chaos in the house as Hopper and Will try to wake everyone up, preparing them, getting them ready to move in case feds show up in Hawkins, demanding proof of the girl named 011 who can move things with her mind - suddenly everyone is scampering around the house looking for shoes, coats, clean clothes, stomping to the beat of Dustin repeating, "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" downstairs. Hopper lines everyone up in the kitchen and begins to tell them how they'll get more information when the phone rings again.

It's Becky Ives.

"You heard the good news?" she asks. 

"You called him in?" Hopper asks by way of response.

El steps forward so that she can listen in. Mike sinks to the floor by her side, holding her hand. Everyone else retreats back to their spots on the living room floor, though no one makes to go back to sleep.

Becky is ecstatic. "Now that the Soviet Union's gone, I figure the government programs must be, too. Y'know, MKUltra, the DOE..." she trails off. "I know that suing Brenner can't bring back my sister," she explains, "But at least it can give us some sense of justice. All the money will go to Jane, of course."

Hopper is still angry, but he begins to calm down. Becky's only accused Brenner of kidnapping and abuse of government funds - no mention of El's powers (or Terry's, for that matter). And God knows Jim Hopper would love nothing more than to watch Brenner rot away in a cell like he'd had his daughter do for the first twelve years of her life.

After they hang up, Hopper motions for El to follow him into her room. It's a pastel place, with cream carpeting and picture frames on every available surface. Her bed is stripped (they'd been using her duvet the night before), but even without the blankets it's a comforting, homey place. Hop knows why El has been reluctant to officially move out, even though she's saved more than enough to move into an apartment in Bloomington with Mike.

"Kid," Hopper begins, "We don't have to pursue charges. If you want these charges dropped, we'll get these charges dropped. Like your Aunt Becky said, there's no more government funding. There's no way he could take you back, and we'd make sure he never came within a fifty-mile radius of you ever again."

El considers. "What happens if we charge him?"

Hopper sighs. "There'd be a trial. Becky's accused him of kidnapping and abuse, which should be pretty easy to prove, but he might try and reveal your powers. If he can prove they're real, he could argue that it was worthwhile; if he can't, he'll just get sent to a mental asylum. Either way, he wins."

"If he doesn't reveal?" El presses.

"If he doesn't... hopefully he'd go to jail for a long time. The rest of his life." 

Hopper reaches for El's left wrist, rubbing his thumb along her tattoo, partially obscured by Sarah's blue bracelet. "It's up to you, kid," he repeats. "No matter what, me and everyone downstairs are gonna make sure he never touches you again."

"I want him gone," El says, so quietly Hopper almost doesn't hear. "In a cell." She looks up. "Am I bad?"

Hopper looks her in the eye. "Kid, what I want to happen to him is so much worse than rotting away in a cell."

El squeezes Hopper's hand. "I want to charge."

***

The preliminary hearing happens on January 2nd. Hopper doesn't let El go, despite her protests. He worries that he might have made the wrong decision - a decision more akin to his (much worse) parenting style of 1984 - but he realizes it was the right call when Brenner easily makes bail.

(He imagines what might have happened if he had allowed El to come - the lights would have flickered, maybe the wiring would have fizzled. He knows she could do worse, and he's worried she would want to.)

Hopper has a backup plan. He follows Brenner outside the courthouse, where Sam Owens is waiting with special agents to confine Brenner to house arrest. As they drive this man to a town just south of Hawkins, it occurs to Hopper that Brenner must have a family. Parents. Siblings. Maybe even a wife.

Maybe kids.

Brenner doesn't speak during the drive, and Hopper can't even turn to look at him. When Owens steps out of the vehicle to lead Brenner inside, Brenner turns to Hopper and says, "It's not over with the Cold War. Eleven has changed the limits of science."

For perhaps the first time, Hopper is at a loss for words. The most coherent thought he can summon is how much he'd like to punch Brenner's brains out.

Sam Owens locks Brenner in his home; an agent remains to keep watch. Owens then goes to drive Hopper home, and as soon as they turn onto the highway, Hopper breaks down in tears. 

"Get my daughter's goddamn name out of your fucking mouth," he says to no one in particular.

***

Mike and El sleep at the cabin that night, and Joyce and Hopper pretend not to notice.

("Defiling my daughter..." Hopper mutters.

"Hop!"

"Force of habit!" Hopper says, hands raised. Joyce laughs.)

The cabin was never fully rebuilt after the Mind Flayer did a number on it in '85. In those months before El moved away with the Byers, she would walk through the woods, try to piece back together the life she knew she'd lost forever. She'd fixed the holes on the roof, replaced the glass in the windows. Steve helped the most, but more often than not, she was accompanied by some group of Party members, who were utterly useless when it came to construction but very helpful when El needed a hug.

It certainly wasn't livable in the way it once had been, but it was secure enough for overnight trips and Party hangouts. In the summer of '87, when the Byers finally returned to Hawkins (Joyce had wanted Will and El to finish out the school year), it was at the cabin that the Party had their first D&D game in two years. That fall, it was where Max snuck a case of Keystone Light and peppermint schnapps to try drinking for the first time. (Dustin was a snuggly drunk, cuddling up to all his friends as Will fell asleep and El made the lights flicker with every hiccup.) In '88, it would be where Mike and El had their first sleepover alone. They'd planned it for weeks: Mike took cash from Nancy's old room to buy condoms, El convinced Max to drive her to Victoria's Secret for a new outfit. Both Mike and El tried to arrive early to set up a surprise - Mike armed with candles and flower petals, El with heart-shaped Eggos - but the similarity of their minds made the experience all the more comfortable, and El had never been happier than waking up in Mike's arms the next morning.

The night of Brenner's hearing has none of that comfort.

Mike makes her a triple-decker Eggo extravaganza and El chooses a few movies, but El can tell by the jitter of Mike's legs that he's avoiding the topic, skirting around the edges of her reality. They eat quickly and without hunger and settle in on the sofa to watch the movie. Mike holds her, but his arms are stiff; it reminds her of the first time he'd visited the cabin, when they were thirteen and didn't know if they were boyfriend and girlfriend or something else.

El's powers haven't been quite the same since the Mind Flayer, but they've slowly returned, good for small tasks. She uses them to turn down the TV and turns to Mike.

"I want to see him," she says, lips drawn.

"Brenner?" Mike bounds to his knees and grabs both of El's hands in his. "El, you can't go see Brenner, he - "

"I need to know," she interrupts. "I need to know why Papa would hurt me."

Mike runs a hand over his face and for a moment El sees Hop instead of him. "El, I don't think there's a way to know," he says slowly. "I mean, Brenner is just evil. He's a psychopath. He doesn't have the capacity for good."

But El doesn't believe that. She can't believe that.

***

"You visit Billy's grave whenever you're in Hawkins," El asks. "Why?"

She and Max are sitting in Benny's Diner. It's mid-January by now, and most of the Party has returned to college. The notable exceptions: Max, whose semester starts a week later than the rest ("Suck it, losers!") and Mike, who's insisted on taking a leave of absence to support El through Brenner's trial. She'd felt guilty, at first, but she couldn't deny that having Mike to hold her hand would make the process that much easier. Besides, Mike had explained, he would have spent the whole semester worrying about her. It was better he stay in Hawkins, and then the could both move to Bloomington in September.

(It's this thought that propels her through most of the trial: her and Mike in their one-bedroom apartment, a few blocks from a library and from Mike's classes, with a bed and a sofa and a blanket fort all to themselves and no one to interrupt them.)

Mike was still convincing his parents that this semester off was a good idea, and Max was looking for an excuse to avoid her stepfather, so El had called her up and they'd gone to Benny's for a girl's day. It had started as it normally did - discussing why their boyfriends were dicks, how hot Leonardo di Caprio was - and Max literally stops mid-bite when El brings up Billy.

She puts down her burger, twirls red hair once around her hand and then flips it over her shoulder. "I don't really know," Max admits. "I mean, I hated him. But I grew up with him." She dips a French fry into ketchup and lets the glob of red sauce fall back onto her plate. "I guess... it felt wrong not to at least try and make it better. I'd rather go and mourn than live my life angry."

"I want to see Papa," El says. "Mike thinks it's a bad idea."

"Mike doesn't know shit," Max replies, almost on instinct. It elicits a small giggle from El, but little else. "Look, El, Mike worries about you. I worry about you. I don't want you to get sucked in by him." She reaches her hand across the table to grab El's. "But it's your choice, in the end. If you want to see him, I'll go with you."

***

The trial takes place in April. Brenner waives his right to a jury, instead giving the power of both verdict and punishment to the judge. Hopper says it's because Brenner knows no jury will ever let slide the horrific way he treated El.

Becky is called as the first witness. She explains how excited Terry was to have her daughter, the care that went into creating Jane's room. The devastation when Jane was taken from her. Becky begins to cry when she admits that she believed Brenner's claim that Terry had miscarried.

(El wonders what her life might have been with Terry. Lullabies and mobiles and cuddles before bedtime. Mike squeezes her hand, as though he knows what she's thinking.)

El doesn't testify, but she does give a statement which is read aloud in court. Written with Mike's help, it explains what horrors El can bring herself to remember. The rainbow room. The cell. A white tile bedroom, windowless, with hooks on the bed. Soft curly hair ripped from her scalp and scattered across the floor.

She doesn't bring up her powers, and neither does Brenner. She supposes he's too proud to try and plead insanity.

A few days before the judge's deliberation is set to end, El calls Max. 

"I need to see him."

Max doesn't hesitate. "I can be there in 34 hours," she says. "30 if I speed. I'm getting the keys now." A pause on the line, before Max picks it up again. "Zoomer, right?"

***

El finds Brenner in the void. As Max pulls up to the Byers-Hopper home, El watches Brenner make himself a sandwich, turn on the television. He looks so content that El wants to scream.

Joyce and Hop are both at work, and Max doesn't flinch when she hears El's cries. Despite not having slept for more than a day, she walks into the kitchen as though she's just woken up, grabs a granola bar (El's house is as good as her own), and says to El, "If it's too much, we leave. No questions asked."

As they drive along the highway to the small town where Brenner lives, El is struck by just how... suburban it is. This should not be the home of an evil scientist, a man who forces girls to kill cats and find Russian spies. This should be the home of families like the Wheelers and Sinclairs and Hendersons. This should be the home of El and Hop and Will and Jonathan and Joyce, whatever mish-mosh family they've created.

Max and El don't speak as they pull into the driveway. Max asks if El wants her to come in; El says no. Each step El takes towards the door is louder than the one before it, until her heart is beating louder than the engine on Max's car as her sleep-deprived brain tries to turn it off. Biting her lip, El turns her attention towards the lock and opens the door, wiping away blood dripping from her nose.

"I was wondering when you'd come." Of course he knows it's her, who else could open the door? He walks to greet her, sidestepping a leather sofa and coffee table loaded with art books and newspapers. "Come, Eleven."

"Papa," she says. Anything she'd planned to ask leaves her mind as Brenner reaches to cradle her face, tugging at the skin under her nose to remove the last bit of blood she'd missed.

"I know you misunderstand my intentions," he says, sitting down and motioning for El to do the same. "I never intended to hurt you. I'm not evil."

(Mike's words ring out in her mind - _He's evil. He doesn't have the capacity for good._ But he's not hurting her, he's not forcing her. She thinks until the two conversations blur in her head and she can't think any more.)

"You could have been the greatest weapon this world has ever known." Brenner continues. "We would have changed the world."

El frowns. "Not a weapon."

"Of course not," Brenner quickly concedes, as though 'weapon' were a common slip of the tongue. "A woman." He pauses. "We still could do it, Eleven."

"No."

He reaches to grab her wrist and El quickly stands up, but he's too fast and suddenly her wrist is in his hand and even though she's nearly as tall as him now she watches, as though from outside herself, as he pulls her in and sits her down like a child. The lights begin to flicker and El hears a car - Max's car - honk from outside.

"You think you're normal, Eleven?" Papa says. (_Get out of my head._) "I see you in court, holding hands with that boy. He wants to get married, I'm sure, have children. You were not built to be a mother, Eleven. You were built to be incredible."

"No - " Her voice sounds more desperate now, more shaky; she almost doesn't recognize it as her own.

"You think we would have risked you falling pregnant? You were our masterpiece. Our greatest investment."

El shrieks (_get out of my head!_) and Brenner stumbles backwards. El scurries for the door, unable to pull her eyes away from Brenner.

"I know Sam Owens has some old files. Go look for yourself." 

El momentarily forgets how to open the door, jiggling the knob helplessly until someone pulls it open. Then a hand is on her arm; El shrieks again before she sees a stroke of red hair and lets herself collapse into Max's grip.

The last thing Brenner says before Max pulls her away is, "You have potential, Eleven. Don't forget that."

***

Max sticks around for the final days of the trial. When Mike asks why she's not at school, she just says, "Got bored," and stares at Mike as though challenging him to question her. He looks at El, bewildered, but doesn't.

On the day of the sentencing, they file into the courtroom early. First Joyce, then Hopper, El, Mike, Max, and even Becky with Terry alongside her in a wheelchair. The judge looks at their row when he reads the verdict: guilty on all charges. 

Brenner waves at El as they lead him out of the courtroom.

***

Max has to stay in California an extra two weeks to make up for the time she missed, but by the end of June all six party members have returned to Hawkins. For that summer of 1992, it's almost like they're kids again - sleeping over at each others' houses, playing D&D in Mike's basement, hiking Hawkins' hills and swimming in the quarry. Hopper and Joyce watch with amusement as the kids filter in and out of their home. Hopper takes particular joy in teasing Mike, especially now that he and El have found an apartment for the fall.

One particularly humid and sticky night when Mike drives up to take El on a date, Hopper yells after him, "Be safe, you two! Don't need any grandkids yet!"

Will, who's sitting at the kitchen with some charcoal and a sketchpad, messes up a drawing from laughing so hard; Joyce whacks Hopper in the stomach. Even Mike manages a chuckle, despite the bright red flare in his cheeks. But El frowns. She's quiet for most of the ride, letting Mike talk about the classes he's signed up for and what kind of furniture they should go shopping for, but as they're about to pull up to the restaurant, El interrupts.

"Do you want kids?"

Mike nearly slams on the break. "What?"

"Do you want kids?"

Mike sighs. "I mean, yeah," he says, "But not anytime soon. Is this about what Hopper said?"

El shakes her head. "Papa said..." she gulps. "Papa said I can't. Have children."

Mike does slam on the breaks this time. "Did you go to see him?"

She'd been hoping to blame it on some mention in the trial that Mike had missed, but he knows her too well. "Max took me."

"That's why she was here."

"I asked her to come."

Suddenly Mike pulls his hand away from her. "Why would you go see him?!" he demands. "He's dangerous, El, you know that! What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Needed to," El replies, more stubbornly than she feels. She sinks into the seat until her seatbelt digs into her neck.

"You can't just - it's not - why, El?" he chokes down a sob. "Why?" El reaches to wipe his tears away but he jerks back, putting the car back into drive and swerving into a U-turn.

"Where?" El asks. 

She knows he's mad by the way he ignores her syntax. "Home," Mike says. "I need time to think."

They drive in silence, and he doesn't even walk her to the front door.

Will is the first one to realize something is wrong. He stands up nearly as soon as El opens the door, following her into the living room where their parents are watching a movie.

"What are you doing back so early, sweetheart?" Joyce asks, but El directs her attention to Hop.

"The files," she says. "Want to see."

If Hopper is surprised, he doesn't show it. Sam Owens had given him her medical files around the same time he gave her a birth certificate. In their effort to start on a clean slate, Hopper had told her about their contents right away, and promised that he would never look at them, that they were hers and hers alone. Thirteen, exhausted, and ready to move on, El had initially asked to throw them away. Hopper had convinced her to keep them in case of a medical emergency, and since then they'd rested in the attic or basement of whatever home she'd lived in.

Hopper leads El to the storage closet, and carries the box to her bedroom despite her protests. He sets it gingerly on her carpet and watches as she melts into the floor, pulling off the top of the box and immediately digging into files untouched for nearly a decade.

"Kid," he says, sitting down with her. "Is everything okay?"

_Yes _is on the tip of her tongue, but when she opens her mouth something else spills out. "Went to see Papa."

Hopper's eyebrows furrow but he doesn't yell. "Okay..."

"Wanted..." she stops. What does she want? "He said I couldn't... 'We couldn't risk you falling pregnant.'" Somehow it feels easier to say it in his words; it lets El explain without having to think about what might be true.

Hopper heaves a sigh and scoots to wrap an arm around her. She doesn't realize she's crying until her shoulder juts into Hop's beard mid-sob, and she only cries harder.

Joyce must hear them from downstairs, because she and Will tiptoe into the room with Eggos and hot chocolate a few minutes later. "Is everything okay, sweetheart?" Joyce asks. 

"Is it okay if I tell them, kid?" Hop asks. El nods.

They spend the rest of the night in El's room, going through file after file. The early ones are manageable - _Subject 011 cooperated with Subject 008 in the Rainbow Room. Subject 011 slept eight hours. _By the time they reach the files dated 1976, it's much worse. _Subject 011 refused to kill cat. Put in cell for incentive. _Will reads the worst one - _Subject 011 kills two guards. _He darts to the bathroom and promptly throws up. Joyce tries to snatch the file from El, but she's able to see what's written and begins to sob again. When Will comes back into the room, she begins repeating, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," and won't stop even when Will wraps her in a hug.

It's Hopper who finds the file they'd been looking for. 1981. El was ten.

***

When Mike comes to apologize the next day, Will answers him at the door. "Mike, I don't know what happened last night, but - "

"Is she okay?" Mike demands. Will shrugs helplessly.

Though Mike knows the Byers-Hopper home as well as his own, he lets Will lead him to El's room, opening the door with a soft, "You have a visitor." El is laid down under the covers, lights on, shades drawn, files spread across the floor, the last bites of an Eggo extravaganza attracting bugs on her desk. Mike immediately runs to her side, sliding across the carpet so fast that Will's almost certain he'll have a rug burn, asking questions so quickly that El can't keep up. 

When El finally does answer, she doesn't address Mike. "Will," she says, "File."

"Are you sure, El?" he asks. She nods weakly, and Will gingerly presses the 1981 file into his hand.

The next thing anyone knows, Mike is running - down the stairs, out of the house, past his car. Will shoots after him, panting slightly, yelling for him to stop. Halfway down the road, he does. 

"Why would he do this to her?" Mike asks, sinking into the gravel. "The bastard, that bastard!" Will pulls Mike to his feet and is surprised when Mike pulls him into a hug. Will isn't sure how long they stand there, fused together but torn apart by this girl and her Papa.

"You need to talk to her," Will finally says. "I don't know what happened with you two last night, but you need to talk to her. This is hard enough as it is."

Mike nods, no energy for a comeback. They walk back to the home in silence.

Again, Will leads Mike to El's bedroom, but this time he waits outside. He sits in the hall, back against the doorway, and though at first he listens only so that he can step in if need be, he quickly realizes he doesn't need to.

"I'm sorry," Mike is saying, "I'm so sorry. I was an asshole. A total - "

"Mouthbreather?"

That gets a laugh. "A _total _mouthbreather."

"Is it okay?" El asks. "That I can't..."

Will hears the bed creak as Mike sits down next to El. "I'm not sad because you can't have kids. I'm sad because Brenner took that choice away from you. It wasn't - it's not fair that he - it's not fair. Because you're the most incredible person I know, and you deserve to be able to do everything you want to do."

"I want to have kids," El says quietly.

"Then we'll adopt," Mike replies. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

There's a moment before El says, "I love you."

There's no moment before Mike replies, "I love you, too."

***

Mike and El move to Bloomington that September. They drive together in Mike's station wagon, and Hopper recruits Steve to help them move. The apartment's on the fourth floor of a walkup, so they start a sort of brigade to march box after box into the one-bedroom. Hopper carries the luggage from the car to the door, Mike from the door to the stairs, and El and Steve make the final trek into the apartment. It leaves time for teasing.

"How does it feel to be a free woman, Hopper?" Steve asks on one trip up.

"I'm still working," El replies sheepishly. After high school, she'd filled her time doing paperwork at the station, where Steve had recently started as a deputy. The newbie and the chief's daughter had amounted to the same sort of power in the station, and so they'd been paired on projects like organizing the office - which, now that the gate was closed, was pretty much all there was to do.

"Yeah, but now you won't have Flo's baked goods all the time."

"And I can't steal the ones she won't let Hop eat."

In Bloomington, El's found a job at the local library. Steve teases her, but it's a perfect fit. Not overstimulating, but still filled with culture and the ability to help people. Mostly, he's just going to miss her around the station.

Once everything's inside the apartment, Hopper opts to rest on the couch ("I had the hardest job, and you know it!") and volunteers Steve to help the couple put together their Ikea furniture. ("Dipshits," Steve mutters fondly.)

They don't know it, but Mike and El will renew the lease on this apartment all the way through college and into adulthood. After college, Dustin will move to Bloomington for grad school and practically take over their couch. El, still in love with the library, and Mike, working for a year before applying to grad school, will become the home base for the Party whenever they decide to visit Indiana. 

And, in 1993, just days after Mike graduates from college, this apartment will be the place where he proposes to El, kneeling on the kitchen floor, stumbling over his words as he tries to explain that he had a plan, he promises, but he couldn't wait another second. El thinks it's the most romantic thing she's ever seen.

***

Two years after the Soviet Union dissolves and Martin Brenner is indicted, El drives to Chicago to look for a wedding dress.

Max and Lucas are living together in the city (although Max constantly complains about the cold), and the fact that her maid of honor lives in Chicago is most of the reason El agrees to the trip - although she has to admit that the shopping here beats the strip mall in Bloomington.

El sees purple hair all around this city. She sees mullets and guns and butterflies and it occurs to her that Kali doesn't know that Brenner is locked away. 

Mike is studying for his GMAT, so El has a full weekend to find the dress. Her first night in the city, she and Max even allow Lucas to tag along with them ("Fine, I _guess _you can come to girls' night," Max says dramatically). They follow an old bar crawl Lucas knows from his college days and wind up at a karaoke bar, belting Madonna into open air and feeling completely free.

By the time they've finished, it's well past one in the morning and there are no cabs on the street. The three friends line up, Max flanked by El and Lucas on either side, and begin the walk back to their apartment. El almost misses the light coming from an alleyway. Wordlessly, she tugs on Max's arm, who tugs on Lucas', and they follow El into the room, where - 

"Jane?"

"Sister."

El moves to hug Kali, but Kali steps back. Funshine and Dottie are behind her, plus some new gang members El doesn't recognize. None of them acknowledge her presence. Lucas looks to Max - she's heard the story, along with Mike and Hopper, but Lucas, Will, and Dustin are in the dark - and Max pulls him around the corner, signaling to El where they'll be. Max's whispered explanation echoes through the alleyway.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Something about wedding planning seems almost embarrassing for El to say in front of Kali, so she answers with, "Visiting friends."

"I see." The girls stand, eye to eye, neither yielding.

"How is revenge?" El finally says.

Kali snorts. "Harder to find, now," she says. "Brenner is the last one. We could use your help, Jane."

El takes a deep breath. "He's gone," she announces. "In jail."

Before the anger sets in, something about Kali looks almost peaceful. Then, "And you think jail is enough?! For what he did to us?!" El steps back instinctually; the response encourages Kali to continue. "I want him dead! I want him to know what I went through! I want him to suffer!"

Something about her words bring El back to another conversation, years before. _Evil,_ Mike had said. _No capacity for good. _El wonders if evil is a trait that can be passed on.

When they get home, El asks that very question.

"I don't know about evil," Lucas says slowly. "But I think anger can last forever."

***

Anne Sarah Wheeler is born on December 26, 1997 in Delaware. El and Mike drive the twelve hours nonstop to meet their daughter, all soft skin and pink blankets and tiny yawns. During the few days they remain on the East Coast, leaning to change diapers and bottle formula and live as a family of three, the rest of the Party returns to Hawkins. When the Wheelers arrive, there's a quiet surprise to welcome Annie home.

Hopper claims her first, cushioning Annie's soft head with his beer belly, cooing at her as though there's no one else around. Nancy holds her next, then Karen and Ted Wheeler, Jonathan taking pictures all the while. Mike is glowing under his daughter's attention, introducing her to everyone and everything.

("This is Uncle Will, he'll make you the best drawings. This is Uncle Dustin, he'll always try to give you nougat, but you don't have to like it, I promise. This is Uncle Lucas - "

"The cool one."

"Whatever. This is Aunt Max, she's stubborn but your mom loves her for some reason."

"Hey!")

The plan is to stay with Joyce and Hop for a month or so while they prepare to close on their own house in Hawkins. It's not something either of them expected, to move back here, but with Annie on their hip it feels right. Mr. Clarke has recently retired, and Mike adores teaching science. The local library, as Dustin put it, "needs a librarian to help kids paddle along their curiosity voyages!" Hop and Joyce are nearby, as are Mike's parents, and it'll allow them to reconnect with Holly, now in high school. The lab is shut down, demolished. 

But the next morning, when she wakes up, El knows there is one more thing she has to do before she can move on.

She leaves a note for Mike, who's dead asleep with Annie drooling on his chest. Then she walks into Hopper and Joyce's room and shakes Hop awake.

"I need to see Papa," she says. Hopper doesn't argue.

They drive in the Blazer holding hands, just like they did in 1984. The prison Brenner's in now is a two hour drive away - another reason El is excited to return to Hawkins. She and Hopper don't speak during the drive. As they pull off the highway and turn into the prison parking lot, Hop reaches for her hand, running his thumb along that old 011 tattoo. When he puts the car in park, he grunts, "Wait," and rummages through the glove compartment to find a pager. "It's from the station," he explains. "You need me, you page."

There are so many things El wants to say, but she can only nod.

This time, it's not Papa welcoming El, but El welcoming Papa. She arrives at the glass window before him, already has the phone picked up when he walks in, clad in orange, eyes dark. He sits down and opens his mouth to pick up the phone, but El beats him to it.

"Don't speak," she says. She'd like time to gather her thoughts - after all these years, articulating is still a struggle (_because of him_) - but he looks as though he might speak anyway, so El barrels on.

"I have a daughter now," she continues. "I used to think I could understand you. But now I see my daughter, and I realize that you decided what to do with me when I was that small."

"Eleven - "

"Not Eleven," her nose flairs. "El."

"Eleven, you were extraordinary - "

"I was a baby," she yells. A guard looks at her uneasily and she takes a sharp breath. "I thought I could understand. I thought you could love me." She shudders saying the words. "But you can't. You can't love. And I'm done." She stands up, pulls the phone away from her ear, so that she can't hear whatever reply he has lined up. "Goodbye, Papa."

And she moves on.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact about my family: we're pretty sure my great-uncle was a Soviet spy (although he has yet to confirm). Maybe that's why I've always found El's placement in the Cold War to be particularly fascinating. I wanted to explore the way she dealt with being forced to be a part of something much bigger than herself, as well as facing her demons closer to home. I hope I succeeded.
> 
> The title of this fic comes from a newspaper headline from December 26, 1991 - the New York Times that day proclaimed "The Soviet State, Born of a Dream, Dies." 
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think!


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